I'm intoxicated at my home, by myself.

I haven't written in forever. Like, a thousand and a half days.

I like to write when I am mad and sad and hyper.

Now drunk. 

I love you.

I stole this from my best pal, britticism.

Who was your first real love?
Timothy. We met when I was 14. He said I was "Damn fine." LMFAO. We dated off and on through high school. Then, when I was 17, we became official. Engaged at 18. Married at 19. Divorced at 21.

Who was your first kiss and when?
It was a brisk fall evening at Scales Lake Park in 1999. I was 14. I had taken off with my friend Cristy to "take a walk" but little did my parents know, Shaun was meeting us. He held my hand. We walked around. When we saw my parents' car coming towards us, I thought I was done for. But it was just my sister coming after us. I walked up to Shaun and he put his lips to mine. I don't remember what the hell I did with my tongue or what he did with his. But it happened. Then we hugged and I wiped my mouth on his shirt. LMAO. Smooth, past Sara, smooth.

Who was your first prom/formal date?
Robert. He had been my buddy since 6th grade. We went to the Christmas formal together. We were cute.

Who was your first roommate? 
Timothy. I moved out when I was 18 and we had an apartment together.

What was your first job?
McDonald's. I was 14. I've had about 20 jobs since then. But that was my first one. 

What was your first car?
A cherry red 1991 Ford Thunderbird. I had tinted windows and fancy pop-on rims. That's how cool I am. Pop-on rims. From Walmart. Only the best.

When did you go to your first funeral?
My Grandma Hickey died when I was 10. That was the earliest one I remember.

How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
I'm still here. I probably won't leave. Unless my entire family goes with me. I don't think they'd go for that.

Who was your first-grade teacher?
Mrs. Wonnegar. I don't even remember what she looked like. That's sad. I don't even remember first grade. I remember all other grades in detail but not that one. It must have been boring. Second grade was exciting. Everyone got chicken pox at the same time. There were only 2 kids left in the second grade class, lol.

When you sneaked out of the house the first time, who was it with?
I never really sneaked out. I always sneaked people in, lmao. Boys. Silly boys. I did stay out until 4am T.P.-ing with Tim one time. I got yelled at for that. Not even grounded. My mom just hid behind the door and when I walked in she said "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?" And I almost had a heart attack. I told her I was at Tim's. She said she had driven by Tim's. I told her we went to eat, lmao. I couldn't tell her about the toilet papering. She would have made me go take it all down. That didn't sound appealing at 4am. 

Who was the first person to send you flowers?
The first and only person to send me flowers is Wayne. Which is sad because he was my sister's boyfriend, lmao. Tim bought me flowers a few times but he just handed them to me. 

When was the first time you got drunk?
I was 15. My sister had went to live with Larry for a wee bit. Cristy and I went over there one night and I drank like a freaking sailor. I remember puking a lot. And being SOOOO hung over. My mom had to know. She cried all day. But never asked me about it. That's how our family rolls. Denial is the best medicine.

Big giant rant about my sister.


( And.... CUT. )
There is so much more crap I could share. That's enough for the moment, lol. 

Every day that I work evening shift, I wake up in a really weird mood. It's like a sleepy/depressed/I don't want to do anything ever mood. It sucks. If I work day shift, I don't have a chance to be in a bad mood. I have to roll out of bed, get me ready, get Nora ready, and that's that. Today I have the chance to get lazy on the couch and watch depressing movies on Showtime. Depressing movies sound way more fun than going into work, I gotta say. Especially the bizarre movie I just watched with Rachel Bilson. CRAZY. But awesome ending, for sure. 

There is so much shit going on in my head right now. I can't even begin. I don't know how. I feel like I'm the verge of a mental breakdown but at the same time I would like to just not give a shit about anything ever again. Ever. Oh? You're still in love with me and you will never be over me, can't live without me... I don't give a shit. Oh? You have slept with a billion people, have gotten many STDs, including one from a cheap hooker? I don't give a shit. Stuck in a fucked up situation and all you really have to do is walk away but for some reason you stick around... I don't give a shit. OH, you're a douche? I don't care. I have this problem.. I try to wear the weight of the world on my shoulders. My mom has always told me this. I didn't know what she meant until I was grown. Speaking of grown... Are we ever grown? Really? Because I'm pretty sure that I'm 26, a mom, and a full time working adult but I would love to go get my playground on every now and then. And I did just go see The Muppets on opening night. Just sayin'. But anyway.. Weight of the world. Right there on my shoulders. Maybe  THAT'S where my shitty posture comes from? Nope, it's not because I don't stand up straight and I haven't stood up straight for so long that it is now painful to do so... It's because the FUCKING WORLD IS ON MY SHOULDERS. That bitch is heavy. I would like to shrug that off please. Tell me how I can NOT give a flying fuck about anything anymore. PLEASE. Because my head is messy and I don't like it. This is like crazy old school, curl into a ball on the floor and cry while writing pages of things that no one will ever read or care about Sara. That's me, right now. But I can't curl into a ball and cry and rock back and forth because I have to be a fucking grown up and go into my stupid fucking grown up job. FUCKKKKK. 

Why do some people get to choose whether they are responsible? I don't get it. It's not fair. And it makes me say Why the fuck do I work so hard if I can do absolutely nothing and still be totally fine? OH WAIT. It's because I respect myself and I give too big of a fuck what people think of me. And also, I can't be a bad mom. I mean, in some ways I'm sure I'm not the best mom, but there's no way I could just NOT work and let other people take care of my kid or my bills. No way. I would die with shame. 

There were so many cuss words in this mug. Sorry about that. I'm just in a phone-kay mood and I feel like being a fuckface. Mmkay. I have to go get ready for my FUCKING JOB. FML. 

Today is Black Friday! This year was a lot different. The stores started their doorbusters at 10pm and midnight. Normally, I get up in the wee hours and show up to a little bit of a line or crowd. This year, since everyone was still awake and ready to shop, the lines were ridiculous! BUT, I got my usual awesome pile of extremely cheap DVDs and a couple other things. And yeah, I'm going to list them off because I have no life! :D

Tomtom GPS with free lifetime updates $89
King sized fuzzy blanket for my dad's Christmas present
Oversized fuzzy throw for myself when I am freezing on my couch
A digital picture frame

DVDs:
Weeds Seasons 3-6
Bridesmaids (I've watched it twice today. I'm awesome.)
Crazy Stupid Love (Watched it last night when I got home from shopping. Again, so awesome.)
Love & Other Drugs
Horrible Bosses
Hall Pass
Kick-Ass
Gone with the Wind (for my sister)
Going the Distance
All Good Things
Rio
Inception
Bad Teacher
X-Men First Class
Paranormal Activity 2

It was crazytown at Walmart. I had to send my sister into the swarm of rabid movie lovers to get all the DVDs, lol. Annette and I just held everything. (Of course there were no carts.) It was very odd getting home at 2am when that's normally when I'm leaving to shop.

I cleaned a little bit. Now I'm bored! 

Or... as Nora would say "Happy Sanksgibbin!" XD

I stole this. K?

SIX NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Sara
2. Mommy
3. Helen Bublanski 
4. Captain Sara (for those old folks that used to use myspace)
5. Sara Kay (everyone in my family)
6. Nurse (for those old folks that can't remember my name)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. My awesome Bethel Manor hoodie.
2. A t-shirt.
3. Socks. 

THREE THINGS YOU WANT VERY BADLY AT THE MOMENT
1. Sleep. 
2. A piece of the cake I just made. I can't have any. It's for Thanksgiving. I'm going to show up tomorrow and be like "HAPPY THANKSGIVING!" *slaps half a cake on the table*
3. To dirty dance on someone. Weird, but I have been in the mood to dance for DAYS. I just wanna dance around my pocketbook and shoes. 

THREE PEOPLE WHOM YOU HOPE WILL DO THE MEME
1. Um. I know two people on LJ so far, lmao. 
2. One already did it! 
3. And the other is limonatafic!

THREE THINGS YOU DID LAST NIGHT
1. I worked until 7pm.
2. Picked up my baby from my parents' house.
3. Ate some pizza.

THREE PEOPLE YOU LAST TALKED TO ON THE PHONE:
1. My mom.
2. My sister.
3. Chris' mom.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO DO TOMORROW:
1. Work.
2. Eat a ton of food.
3. Plan out my Black Friday shopping adventures. YEAH.

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE DRINKS:
1. Diet Mountain Dew.
2. Sugar free grape flavored beverage.
3. Crystal Light Strawberry Energy. 
4. Long Island Iced Tea. BECAUSE I AM A GROWN UP.

THREE THINGS THAT MADE YOU SMILE TODAY:
1. Working with CNAs that didn't give me the urge to punch them in the face. 
2. Watching The Muppets on opening night. Jason Segel is amazing. And there is a scene in which he rides up on a white horse wearing a white tuxedo, jumps off, slide across the floor, and then I died a little. (Yeah, I'm 12.)
3. Getting $100 handed to me as a gift. WHATEVER SHALL I DO WITH IT?!?!?!

I am a Food Network junkie. I love so many shows on Food Network, it's almost embarrassing. The other day my sister was like "You watch Food Network all the time, but you don't cook." And of course, I was all aghast, but really, I don't cook like I used to. I would make fancy stuff back in the day. Back when I lived in my parents' house and could afford fancy ingredients, lol. I'm pretty sure that tater tot casserole and Aunt Becky's chicken casserole don't count as fancy but they get the job done. Someday I'll be able to afford fancy things but until then WHATEVZ. 

Speaking of money. It sucks. I make some good ol' dough at my job but it lasts for a day. I miss having multiple savings accounts. It really stresses me out. My car needs an oil change and brake pads. You can hear me braking from across town. I am THAT person now. The one that pulls in the parking lot and makes people's ears bleed. I have Deaconess Hospital calling every day because I owe them money. I owe Ivy Tech money. I have to start paying student loan #2 this month. AND Christmas is coming. Joy to the world, we are all broke. My mom offered to pay Deaconess off for me because she has guilt from paying all of my sister's bills and doing nothing for me but I told her no. I would feel guilty. Sometimes I wish I would have taken my mom up on living in the smaller house. It would be so much cheaper. BUT I LOVE MY HOUSE. UGH. I need to start being an extreme couponer again. But it takes up so much time. Avon takes up so much time. But I am making money though. I don't know. I could be in worse shape. I need to STFU. 

"I need to see all the Harry Potters." - Me.
"You really do. They are delicious." - Brittany Delmar.

I picked Nora up from her Mimaw's house this morning. Chris was there. It sucked. Awkward questions. Awkward trying to touch me moments. And you would think if I was trying to avoid touching him, he'd take the hint and NEVER try to kiss me. You would think that... but you'd be wrong. The "I miss you, what have you been doing, are you seeing anyone, can we hang out" conversations yet again. I would like to pick Nora up without awkwardness at some point. Just walk in and she'd be ready to go. But no. I have to hear all about how miserable he is. He could be doing anything with his life. It is not my fault that he chooses to be high and unemployed. I need to keep telling my self this. It's hard to turn that "I have to take care of you" part of my brain off. That is where I go wrong with every relationship. (all 2 of them) I do waaaaay too much. And get nothing in return. I deserve better. My brain doesn't think so, but I DO!

Evening shift sucks. I hate it. If it was just me, I LOVE evening shift. I can't work evening shift with a 3 year old but my employer doesn't care about that. Therefore, I am stuck working crazy evening shift every now and then. My residents are different people in the evening. They get sundowner's and start acting like fools. Day shift is so smooth and goes by SO FAST. Oh well. Someday, SOMEDAY, my friend, I will be a full time day shift nurse. Even if I have to be mean to get that position. YEAH. 

Let's see if I can remember how to cut.

( CHOP ME UP )
Gosh dang it. WORK.

Creepin' your livejournal.  What what.  Creepin' your livejournal.